These days, I spend at least half of my waking time asking questions like:
- “Why is there a tube of toothpaste sitting on the banister?”
- “What happened to the bedroom that was gloriously clean 5 minutes ago?”
- “Where are your shoes? Where are your clothes? Where is the brush?”
- “Who put their plate of spaghetti on the back porch?”
- “When does the milk expire?” Oh wait, we never ask that because a gallon of milk only last two days in this house.
As most of you know, I am not the best stay-at-home mom in the world. I am definitely not the unselfish, servant mother who does Pinterest crafts and writes handwritten notes for their lunch boxes every day. I love them and teach them to be respectful humans, but I am not the easiest person in the world. I worked for years and then decided, why not stay home? I’ll be honest. I am probably way too selfish for this gig. It doesn’t bring me joy to get up three separate times to retrieve things. Example…
Everly – “Mom, will you get me orange juice.”
Me – “Sure.” (Gets juice, sits back down.)
Three seconds later.
Macs – “Mom, can I have orange juice?”
Me – “Uh, yes.” (Goes back to kitchen, gets juice, sits back down.)
Not even kidding, 5 seconds later…
Hads – “Mom, can I have some juice?”
Me- “Oh my gosh. Yes.” (Gets up again, goes back to kitchen again, gets juice again, decides never to sit back down.)
For me, working full-time was a piece of cake compared to this. It’s hard. Being a mom is not easy. It’s demanding. Exhausting…both mentally and physically. Not just due to their back-talking, constant requests, and dirty little unorganized things, but the weight of parenthood. How do I keep them safe? What if they get an awful disease that takes them? What if I screw them up and am unable to pay their future therapist? What if they end up addicted to drugs? What if someone hurts them? What if they are bullied? What if I die? What if one of them dies? What ifs are sometimes crippling.
I heard a song on Sunday called Egypt by Cory Asbury. It reminded me of all the times God has led me through excruciating difficult situations. Obviously I was not a slave in Egypt and will never know the pain and struggle of that, but we all have our own difficulties, right? Normal life being torn apart at 11. Normal life being disrupted once again at 18. Facing an unwanted divorce at 26 and single motherhood to a two year old and newborn. Losing a step brother to suicide. Dealing with prenatal depression that rocked me to the core. Watching my younger sister lose four babies before she even got to meet them. Losing another step brother before he was even 30.
Life can be so incredibly cruel. BUT, God.
Understanding the beauty of forgiveness. Experiencing the peace of God that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7). Watching miracles happen. Seeing victory and redemption.
If you are in the midst of rough waters, remember…He is the one who fights for you. He is the one who gives grace. Peace. Victory. He steps into the struggle with us and leads us to freedom.
You’re the God who fights for me.
Lord of every victory.
You have torn apart the sea
You have led me through the deep