Brooke fuller

Nighttime Dreams

This is the place I spend most of my nights. Wishful thinking has me getting there by 8:05PM each night; however, normally it’s closer to 9:20…and on the nights when one of my four kids decides bedtime is dumb it’s closer to 10:00. 

For those of you momma’s or full-time employees running a business on top of everything else…I get it. I get it so deeply. 

Sometimes I plop down and look up feeling like I’ve been working for an hour when in reality it’s already 2:00AM. 

I left my full-time job 2 years ago and so often I hear other mommas say they wish they could do the same.

Here’s what my normal day looks like:

Wake up at 7:00, take kids to school, take care of non-school kiddos, pick kids up from school, make supper, have a shoot, do homework (getting that doctorate), start editing, working on website, or planning, get in the zone, baby wakes up, feed baby, get back to work, go to bed sometime between 1:00AM and 2:00AM, sleep soundly until the baby wakes up at 3:30ish, and then welcome loud, ready-to-go kids into my bedroom at 7:00 in the morning. Add in living hours from my family — having a husband in law enforcement — and top it off with a pandemic that prevents the occasional visit from a Mimi or MaHolley to reinstate my sanity.

Okay okay. I am not whining here…these are the facts. So for all the other momma’s saying they wish they could do the same, please do…and let’s FaceTime while we work at night/in the AM so we have each other’s company!! 

Sometimes I get into the comparison mindset and then have to remind myself that I work in 1-3 hour increments at times when my brain is running on a quarter of a tank. What I wouldn’t give to have forty hours of uninterrupted work time between 9AM and 5PM. There’s no telling what I could accomplish with FORTY solid hours!

I love what I do. I love giving people photos they will cherish for years. I love my camera strap. I love the background on my computer. I love the comments people give when I deliver their photos. I love the sweatpants I get to wear to “work”. I love the flexibility. I love that I don’t have to call a boss when my kiddos get sick. I love the craziness of it all. 

Honestly, my struggle is completely different. It’s like a kiddo who gets a new bike and can’t wait to ride it, but they have to go to school. They love school, but they’re really excited about their new bike! They get home right about the time it starts raining…and then it rains until 10 minutes before bedtime. They get to ride the bike for a bit, but they simply wanted more time.

Maybe you can relate. And, if so…you aren’t alone. Keep chasing those dreams and know that one day whatever the challenge was that you faced (lack of time, failure, self-doubt, comparison, etc.) on the way will simply be a part of a beautiful story.

Owning my optimism.

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