Aside from Hads’ curly lock of hair in a ziplock baggy from her first haircut, and a few other “first” things, I wouldn’t really consider myself sentimental. For the most part, I let things go! However, I would consider myself extremely sentimental in the life-things…thinking back on memories, people, how they shaped my life, etc.
After a tiring day at home trying to wrangle three kids and dealing with a stupid clogged milk duct (sorry if any males are reading this), all I wanted to do was sleep. I have this place in my house I go to for stillness.
This is my still place! In the corner you can’t see, there’s a cushy hand-me-down love seat my dad gave us. When I want quiet this is where I go. Normally my whole house is a wreck, but this place stays nice, cozy, and clean (except for around Christmas time when I have to move the girls toys in there to make room for our tree)!
Tonight after my long day and on the verge of crashing, I went in there, laid down and, in my little kid voice, asked Kyle to come sit with me. This may not seem like a big deal, but thinking back to where I came from, it’s huge! When Kyle and I were first married he would have to ask me to sit down for two minutes because I would just go and go and go! I’ve learned a lot from him! Stillness is good! He went to give the kids their baths, covered me up with a blanket and I fell asleep at 7:30! (PS for everyone thinking he is to good to be true, I think the same thing! But everyday I keep waking up to him and it’s real life!)
Oh right, being sentimental.
I was laying in bed wide awake and looked over at him sleeping! Our story is my favorite!
Once upon a time a very wise man said it like this, “It’s one of those [love stories] that if you had any doubt about Providence, you wouldn’t now…If you know these two, you have a glimpse of how special this is.” (That very wise man also writes a blog! Read more about Love Stories at aboutpops.com!)
After watching my husband sleep for a bit and reminiscing about the times when I was 15 and he’d drive me home from church on Wednesday nights in his red jeep, I then decided to stop being the creepy sleep watcher and started mindlessly scrolling through old pictures instead. Here’s a picture of the very wise man (aka Pops) moments after Little Man entered the world.
Merriam-Webster defines redemption/redeem like this:
The act of making something better or more acceptable.
To make worthwhile
I’m not a cryer these days, and Kyle knows it full well, but he did catch me about 12 hours after Malachi was born. Kyle had gone out to the car to get something and walked in to a teary-eyed me trying to act tough. I had been sitting there holding Malachi and thinking about goodness…about redemption!
2015 shouted pain! Death, divorce, suicide…loss on so many levels! But God has been showing off in the redemption department for awhile now! In the hospital that day, I cried joyful tears in response to being in the midst of all the blessings that were thrust upon me! The redemption of so many things!
Shortly after finding out I was pregnant with Malachi, I went through a tremendously difficult bout of depression. It was completely out of my norm, I said things and did things that were out of my character and just couldn’t quite kick it. It lifted a bit after about two months, but I remember the moment it was completely gone. I was in labor and during a moment of relief I looked up at Kyle and all the fuzziness, the dark cloud, the ickiness of it all faded away…completely! Thinking about tornados…ya know when it’s horrendously loud and scary and messy and the wind is blowing…and then it just stops? There’s stillness! This was that moment!
During those months, I watched a man love me at my worst. I watched him cherish me in my wretchedness. I had to learn how to accept being loved so deeply!
Psalm 18:35 says, “You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.”
First off, I am in no way comparing Kyle’s love to God’s…I do not want to take it out of context and make it say anything I want it too! (So go back and read the whole chapter…it’s a good one!) Anyway, I am a very visual learner and sometimes feel God uses things in my life to make me more fully understand what His Word is saying. This was one of those times.
With all that to say, I experienced a man supporting me and being gentle with my brokenness/wretchedness, but even more so, I’ve watched God be my salvation, support me, and His gentleness with my wretchedness, brokenness, and sinful life made me me!
I promise I’m wrapping up…
Lysa Terkeurst wrote this…”Sometimes a loss cuts into your heart so viciously that it forever redefines who you are and how you think. It’s what I call deep grief.”
Maybe you are in the midst of your wretchedness wondering how you can be loved, or maybe it’s so bad you don’t even care. Maybe you’ve experience heartache. Maybe you’ve caused the heartache.
There is a God who excels at this whole redemption thing. Not just redeeming the big things, but redeeming every tiny detail! I’ve experienced it to the point that I am grateful for my darkest days because of the joy that’s replaced them!
Whatever it is…Suicide, death, divorce, disease…loss! Maybe all at once! Remember that there is redemption!
In Exodus 35 and 36 there are lots of instructions and constructing taking place for the tabernacle. It goes on and on about every piece…even the “tiny” ones! This leads me to believe that God is interested in the details of our lives. Even the tiny ones!
Psalm 30:5-“…weeping may tarry for the night but joy comes with the morning.”
Believe me “the morning” is the best!
P.S. A lot of times I am wide awake at night. Normally because of something that needs to be done or thought through or said…so if this one was for you feel free to holler at me at firstname.lastname@example.org! I’d love to hear your story and know how to pray for you!