Truth be told, I’m weary. Weary in a way that sinks in deeply and is not alleviated by a nap. Since removing my garage doors and replacing them with massive windows, those driving by can now see clearly into my life. But when the sun goes down and Kyle can no longer stand to have the curtains open; they are drawn, yet life continues. Yes, there may be a pile of laundry on my bed or clutter on my desk, but more than I care if you see my less than pristine home, I simply want to see out.
I want to see what’s happening. Watch the shirtless, older man run by for my daily inspiration. Notice as the very tall headband guy walks by – I can almost feel his determination. Unbeknownst to her, cheer Christina on as she runs by; watch Ben putt along on his golf cart, both of these reminding me of how grateful I am that they are raising two of my kids’ sweet friends. Seeing Kamie and Sadie; Shelby and Amanda. Wave-dancing to Zack and Jenny. Grateful for Tobie as he loads my mailbox up with bills and delivers packages of boxes J proceeds to play with for days. Keeping watch for the escape-artist dog, Carl, who might be in the road and being tempted by a 2-day-old squirrel. Listening as Malachi talks to me through the window and then waves as he rides off with his friends, shirtless and barefoot. Glimpse Everly as she runs back and forth down the road putting extra steps on my Garmin. Watching Haddi return from piano lessons. Being the first to catch sight of Kyle as he pulls into the driveway. This, and more, is what I see most days because I make the decision to open my curtains.
There’s this idea that I love called self-disclosure reciprocity. Self-disclosure reciprocity (repeated because I’m a fan of the flow) is a communication pattern where one person’s openness encourages another person to respond with similar openness. One shares stories, struggles, thoughts, feelings, and it leads others to feel more safety in matching the depth or vulnerability of what’s been shared.
I open my curtains and okay people to see in because I want even a tiny glimpse into their lives.
Maybe that’s why I write too. Sharing the stories, struggles, thoughts, and feelings that lead others to feel safety in vulnerability. I’ve been so grateful for the many emails, texts, random conversations in Wal-mart, and messages from people I don’t even know, who’ve said “thank you, I’m going through…and those words encouraged me.” It’s the … The words that fill the place of those little dots. I absolutely love getting to see a glimpse into others’ lives. It’s fascinating. Life is fascinating. The way God orchestrates it all is captivating.
Kyle often hints at how much of an open book I am. Sharing story after story, with literally thousands of people (no, I don’t expect even 1% to read them all; but it’s out there) on how unpredictable, frustrating, beautiful, and glorious life can be. Putting a few piles of dirty laundry out for all to see. (In both the figurative sense and literal sense with those big windows and my normal couple of loads hanging out on the bed.)
A few years back when Pops’ Shop was cranking out tons of gorgeous leather work; I asked if Pops could make me a custom bracelet.
As is characteristic of him, he came through and years later I wear a weathered and worn leather bracelet that, aside from my wedding band, is the most significant piece of jewelry I wear.
It’s simple.
It says “COME AND SEE.”
In John 1, Jesus was calling his first disciples. In verse 39, two disciples ask Jesus, “where are you staying” and Jesus responds “Come and you will see.”
The depth of the intimacy in that statement grabbed me the first time…gosh…it has to have been 12 or so years ago and it hits me to the core even to this day. That the God of the universe stepped out of glory to come to earth and these two men being but ordinary men were invited into closeness with Jesus. Come and see.
The same closeness they, and so many others, were invited into. I am invited into. You’re invited into.
I am an imperfect, flawed sinner who is deserving only of hell, but God who is rich in mercy called me out of the depths of despair and into His lovingkindness, forgiveness, and grace. Oh what a Savior? Isn’t He wonderful?
If you’re at a point where you’re wrestling with this idea of drawing near to Him. I can promise you, it’s a good idea!
I told you I was weary. Weary in a way that is untouched but a nap, but weary in a way that God is capable of alleviating. If you’ve been carrying weight upon weight for far too long, I know where you can find rest for your souls.
Jesus said, come and see!
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30