Nah. I don’t want to walk this road.
Let’s not turn back to relive it.
It has been years, I made it through;
And now self-labeled hypocrite.
They keep calling. Asking. Seeking hope.
Don’t make me be the guide.
But, look, you walked it, you’ve seen the show.
They want to know the pain will subside.
Sadly, my story is not my own
And the facts paint an ugly picture.
So I’ll write it down; mystery and rhyme
Because I love you, sister.
~~~
Thirty-five weeks pregnant with our second baby girl.
Two-year-old was fast asleep when he wrecked my world.
A text was all he had to give his wife of the last four years.
To say it on a stupid screen instead of hearing it with my ears.
But rest assured, my feet are standing on the solid ground.
She’s not afraid of this bad news; because the Lord is crowned.
It seems as though this cannot be happening to me now.
But sure enough this wretched thing has somehow been allowed.
So armor up, you little one, go grab the sword and shield,
Because you soon will enter into this strange battlefield.
Without a doubt, I go with you, you’re not walking here alone.
Because I’m good. I love you, and I’m still sitting on my throne.
I do not understand, but I will trust you once again.
And one sweet day, I’ll look and say, that was way back then.
Ready or not, it’s coming and it will be a wretched road.
But believe it or not, years from now, you’ll thank the path you strode.
~~~
The shame, the guilt of knowing that something’s incredibly off.
They’ll look at me, they’ll whisper, I’ll walk by and then they’ll scoff.
Or maybe they will see that this was not my fault at all.
But a little boy who simply just got played like a ragdoll.
Despite it all, soon they’ll know; where’s her other half?
He’s not here, he’s knee deep in the junk and the riff-raff.
Chasing things he said he would stop chasing way back when.
But clocks tick on and time goes by and it happens once again.
Stay the path, just stay and wait, your life is beautiful.
But looking out at things you see; it’s dumb, it’s just so cruel.
She’s two; she’s new; she wants you; and you haven’t even met.
What the freak, who walks out; they’re your children, not a pet.
~~~
Anger is the worst.
Desiring numbness each day.
Numb trumps everything.
~~~
Waters pouring down on me; noise to muffle screams.
The scorching of this pain inside masks the burning steady streams.
You said that I always deserved better than you are
Yet, wait a sec before you leave this wretched massive scar.
There’s two of them and one of me your walking out on now
I will forgive just come back in; we’ll get through this somehow.
But still the nos are crashing in like stormy ocean waves
So we will fight like tooth and nail to make it through each day.
We’re stronger now than we were then; we walked this road alone.
But sit on back and watch Him heal; our feet are on the stone.
We waited and we waited; yet you never did return.
Until you found her in her bed; crap, now it’s your turn.
I said I’d take you back until you signed those stupid papers.
But just like that you walked right in and acted like a faker.
I’m sorry now. What did I do? I ruined everything.
Take me back I should’ve stayed; the truth, now it I bring.
For months, I begged, just stay with us. We want you to return.
But now before you come back in, my trust you need to earn.
You said you’d wait til I was ready, you’d stay here at the door
But looky there in all of that, still messing with a girl
Unfaithfulness, the lies, deceit; why even waste your breath.
You promised me in rich and poor; in sickness until death.
But what I got was four short years of made to feel like shit.
You made it clear, you simply knew not when to freaking quit.
But now I’ll end this stupid game of blame that I’m playing.
And recognize the problem was the day we started dating.
Three months in I ended it; why did I run back to you?
So close to safe – naivety, I didn’t have a clue.
Now I know what I didn’t know and you better keep believing.
That when she comes to me with him, if he’s dumb he’s flippin’ leaving.
She’ll know more, they’ll both know more on how to choose a love.
It’s not the jokes, it’s not the cute, it’s not the baseball glove.
You sat there in the hospital room and text your little friend.
While your wife was giving birth to her, you played the new boyfriend.
While I was giving birth to your daughter?
While I was giving birth to your daughter.
Despite it all, I hoped, I prayed that you still would come back.
Restore to us what could’ve been before you caused the crack.
But when the dust had settled and when all was said and done.
It seems I got the better deal, soon life had begun.
~~~
And down the road when time had healed the shards of my raw heart.
With just a few small tiny words, I saw there was a start.
The start of something beautiful, more than I had ever dreamed.
How could it be this love so pure was exactly what it seemed.
Gentleness, and kindness flowed straight out of his loving hands.
This type of love; this type of love is what the Word commands.
Restored never to you, but still restored no less.
He rescued me from pain and doubt; out of my wretched mess.
He reminded me I was worth the love and worth so very much.
Despite the fact my walls were far too high to even touch.
Years went by and suddenly the walls had slowly crumbled.
Walking on the solid rock and never where you stumbled.
~~~
Sealed. Rusted. Never budging.
All along, she was misjudging.
Restricting. Twisting. Always tightening.
Desperate for someone’s enlightening.
Constant trauma to the source.
She never saw she’d grown so coarse.
Sudden bursting, constant flow.
Numbness, pain; a constant no.
Days and weeks and months; she’s slain.
Restoration to remain.
Come loose the ties that bind her heart.
The rescuer. You’re set apart.
Softening. Melting. Much re-straightening.
Presence and a love unwavering.
Crumbling. Breaking. Gently fading.
Perfect love is now invading.
Stillness. Peace. Tranquility.
Bliss and all serenity.