Apparently, I unintentionally murdered a sand dollar who once lived on Morro Bay as I added it to my collection and proceeded to drive hours away from its home. What a jerk?!
As I stood on the dock of the bay, I watched a seal (or maybe a sea lion), lie on a concrete block and scratch his back for what seemed like more than sufficient time to alleviate an itch.
Pure excitement burst out of me when I saw the sheer volume of an ancient GIANT redwood tree. I now know why they call them giants. There is no photo or description that could accurately describe how vast they are!
Up until this week, travel has been a remnant of my past. The summer-long adventures to foreign countries. Eating chicken foot from Chinese strangers. Running through airports to catch connecting flights. Sleeping in tents in Gypsy villages.
Somewhere along the way, motherhood became my adventure. Somewhere along the way, I developed a disdain for the previous style of adventure and longed only for home. Somewhere along the way, I shifted.
The adventure became the wonder of these children. Never knowing what they were going to say, what they were going to do, or where they’d take me each day.
My love for freedom and adventure never left, it changed shape.
While dropping Hads off at work for the first time a few weeks ago, I was suddenly hit with realization that she will move out in five years. All of a sudden, I’m looking at flights and planning trips trying to determine how to shove all the adventure I can into the next few years.
And just as I changed shape to allow for different adventures, I feel the start of a new re-shaping. Dirty diapers are non-existent, most nights are slept through, and sippy-cups are no longer littering our sink or countertops. Now we are chauffeurs, sideline encouragers, and the ones, when we see a momma with a little one, thinking (not saying), this moment will be gone in a second.
For years, I wondered what I would write about when the kids got big. As if they would stop being interesting or teaching me very long-lasting lessons through what they say and do. How small-minded of me!
The sand dollar, the Redwoods, the ocean all evoked wonder. If I sat there day after day, I’m sure I’d become familiar with these things. But when close enough attention is paid, there are always new thoughts that come.
Just as with these kiddos…with motherhood.
We grow comfortable, but I don’t believe that God’s creation can be completely figured out and, therefore, it always leaves space for wonder. Maybe I’m paying attention to the world again in a way that I haven’t in a while. And this time, looking through a totally different lens.
Maybe it was that home became my place of adventure. And although the person filling the role doesn’t require replacement, the role is replaced with a new job description. Home has taught me to wonder.
The mountains, the redwoods, the ocean. Three extravagant wonders. You could scour them for a lifetime and never fully understand their beauty or all their intricate workings.
Motherhood. These kiddos.
Something I could ponder and explore for a lifetime.
The magnitude of the impact they’ve had on me, just like the redwoods, the ocean, the mountains, could never be fully explained with words or photographs. They must be fully experienced.