This picture is proof of where I am. Momming hard in a messy house (that you can’t see). Nursing a baby, helping with homework, letting a two-year old “fix” my hair. This year I purchased a minivan and a fanny-pack (do not be alarmed…it’s a sexy fanny pack)! Never thought I’d see the day, but let me tell you…if you have lots of kids….buy a minivan! If you have one kid…buy a minivan. Heck, if you are a college student…buy a minivan! They are cheap and luxury on wheels. I mean I have cubbies for cheez-its!
This is where I am!
I work full-time, teach on the side, strum a little guitar at church on Sunday mornings, attempt to keep my kids fed and smelling clean, wife-it-up to Kyle, and in two weeks am starting back to my doctorate after taking a hiatus after having that little baby! I’m nice. I’m outgoing when I want to be. I love Jesus. I love being around college kids. I stay up super late most nights. I dream! I watch dreams fade and make new dreams! I’m messy. I’m impatient. I suck at being part of meal-trains or accepting meal-train love because I’m a flaker who can’t keep plans, so I don’t even try to set them! I mean this time around I had a baby and four days later I decided I wanted to leave town so… Sorry! We won’t be home! Yikes. Hello flaws!
Last week I asked the students in one of my classes to tell me about themselves. Their actual self, ideal self, and ought self (Self-Discrepancy Theory anyone?). I asked Hadassah a form of this question today on the way to school. Hey, tell me about you! Here’s what she said…
I’m Haddi. I’m nice. I’m a cowgirl. I smell bacon!
If only I could think like this kid!
Kyle and I got a brilliant idea last night. It was called, “LET’S ADULT!” (dunh-dunh-dunh)
Back in the day, I was an athlete who had to wake up and attend 6:00 AM practices. Time and time since then, I have realized I don’t do early mornings. I can do the stay up til 2:00 AM life night after night, but getting my butt out of bed in the morning is a different story. However, my so sweet husband and his blues eyes woke me up at 5:30 this morning and said he was going to the gym. So I grudgingly drug my butt out of bed (might I add that I had just been up to feed Malachi at 4:47 AM) and went downstairs. He goes to the gym and I decide to vacuum and read more Exodus.
Here are more Exodus-Brooke-Thoughts!
God told Moses that Pharaoh’s heart would be hardened, but the bottom line was that God was going to show him that He was the Lord! He says it over and over “I am the Lord.” How difficult is it when we see God drawing us somewhere, but the road is hard, or boring, or frustrating, or “normal” and we question if we are where we are supposed to be?
Not only do you still have to make bricks…now you have to find your own straw and make more than you were before. Good luck!
Difficult right?
Over the years, I’ve spent a lot of time asking God to put me exactly where He wants me, and I’ve spent even more time doubting I was doing exactly that.
- Am I where God wants me?
- Are we living where we should?
- Am I at the right job?
- Am I dating the right man (very past tense question, of course)?
- Am I doing what He desires?
- Should I do more?
- Should I do less?
In a discussion earlier this week, someone asked this question to a group… Have you ever thought that maybe you’re doing exactly what your supposed to be doing?
Well no! That’s silly!
How have I lived for this long, praying the same prayer and always wondering if I was doing what I should?
I’ve often looked back on situations and thought, that’s exactly where I was supposed to be, but rarely did I see that in the moment. We question our talents, our ability, our purpose? But suppose this is what God intended. Suppose you are “good” enough. God uses normal people. Fisherman, soldiers, prostitutes, murderers. Stay-at-home moms, secretaries, doctors, accountants, preachers, missionaries, nurses, college students, college teachers. Serve Him in this moment. In this phase.
Who knows…maybe you are doing exactly what God wants you to be doing!