Sometimes I’m on the verge of praying for something and I question whether or not I should actually say it. Brooke, if you say that…He might just do it. I sat there thinking and thinking before I finally worked up the courage to ask God to shake my life. I’m so beyond tired of this American-dream life I have. I never asked for this, but I have it…and I don’t want it. I apparently made choices that led to it and I’m not proud of that!
I was in a Vera Bradley store yesterday watching this lady lug her three bags up to the cash register while verbally fighting off the urge to buy another oh-so-soft blanket.
I was then in Victoria Secret (not because I shop there on a regular basis, but because this girl literally forgot to pack a real bra for her trip and the one lime green/yellowish sports bra wasn’t going to cut it for the whole week). People were flocking around with perfume, bags of $50 pieces of string, asking their 17-year-old boyfriends what’s your favorite, and in a craze. What in the world is happening?
Maybe I am simply experiencing culture shock because, again, I find myself in a big city.
People were standing in the middle of the walkways of this outlet mall selling slimy, smash balls and strange-looking very primary-colored toys. All I could think was that the majority of Americans are living in this country spending tons of money on the unnecessary while I’m sure the price of that ball could’ve fed some kid for at least 2 years in Ethiopia or Benin or Burkina Faso…or wherever your mind goes!
I may have surpassed the slimy, smash balls, but obviously that doesn’t happen all the time. How many useless things are in my house? Did I really need to order a fifth Thirty-One bag? The third pair of tiny flip-flops for my kid just because I got tired of looking for the first two pairs? That $50 planner.
Do I really need my 2000 square foot home? My iPhone? My unlimited data?
Anyway, not only is God shaking my life and my thoughts on this topic…but also my job…and church…and entire lifestyle.
I’m beginning to think that if Jesus lived next door to me, He wouldn’t show up and ask me to come hang out as He has probably realized I have way too many other idols in my life taking precedence. Yes, I know He LOVES me deeply, but I also wonder if I would be like the man He told to go and sell everything (Matthew 19:21) or if He would have to remind me sooo often to keep my eyes on Him and stop looking back at the stuff…and the normal…and the comfort!
If the tiny town I live in had homeless people (if someone knows of any, tell me), and one of them came to my church…or any church in my town, would we welcome them? I know some who might, but (let’s be real) I know the majority, myself included, would most likely not invite them over for supper.
And my job. Oh sweet heavens! Oh how my heart longs for something with depth of influencing people. Something that makes a difference in lives day-to-day-to-day. I walk around this conference looking at people dressed in their power suits and high-heels while holding their brief cases and talking about standard deviations and response rates wondering how in the world this matters on the scale of 1 to eternity. (I know my boss has read at least one of these before…so note…if you are reading this, I am not quitting my job today! I’m simply still working through the fact that I’m living an ordinary life rather than fighting language barriers, living in remote villages and eating chicken-feet on a train just to be able to share Jesus with someone! AND I’m sure I’ve used a split infinitive or comma splice so don’t eagle-eye this post.)
Yes, yes. I know. We can be light on a day to day basis. We can influence others as we go about normal. I’m just tired of normal. I prayed that God would shake things up and now my brain is going 9 thousand miles an hour thinking every random thought it can.
Instead of going to church, I am taking my guitar to my sleepy, people-less town square, worshiping in simplicity, reading straight from the bible and listening to God speak through His word in a new fresh way. Others feel free to join!
I want to stop going to church and instead go be the church.
I want to figure out how to live only on what is necessary.
I want to love those who most don’t.
I want to give someone my shoes!
I want to experience the fullness of God saying I take care of the birds of the air, I will take care of You.
I want to walk in the uncertainty of the earthly while trusting in the certainty that God will provide.
Just a reminder as we all start our morning…