False. Sometimes things go more smoothly than others, but nothing ever goes smoothly.
A normal morning in my home:
Mom: “Good morning!”
Child #1: “No, I just wanna sleep mooorrre.”
Mom: “Wake up, kiddos. We gotta get ready for school.”
Child #2: “I don’t want to go to school.”
Mom: “You have to go to school. Wake up.”
(Wollers for five minutes. I go back in their room and go through the whole scenario again. They finally come downstairs.)
Mom: “Okay, let’s get dressed. Here’s some pants.” (Hands pants to child #1 and child #2. Mother exits the living room and enters the kitchen.)
Mom: “What do you want for breakfast?”
Child #2: “What do we have?” (from other room)
Child #1: “Mom, I can’t find any pants.”
Mom: “I just gave you pants! Toast. Cereal. Poptart. Yogurt. Eggs.”
Child #2: “Cereal. With milk in a bowl and milk in my cup.”
Mom: “Okay.”
Child #1: “I hate these pants” (as child flops around on ground).
Mom: “Okay what about these?” (As mother re-enters the living room with brand new pants.)
Child #1: “I hate those pants too.”
Child #2: “Mom, I spilled my milk. My cup of milk, not my milk in the bowl.”
Mom: “Okay!!” (To child #2). “How about these?” (to child #1).
Child #1: “Can I just wear shorts?”
Child #2: “Mom my milk that I spilled got on my pants.”
Baby crying
Mom: “No, it’s 28 degrees outside and raining ice.” (obviously not today)
Child #1: “That’s okay. I’m not cold.”
Mom: “Put your pants on.”
Child 1: “I hate all pants.”
Mom: “You tried these on in the dressing room yesterday and loved them, but today you hate all pants?”
Child #1: “Can I ppllleeeaase wear shorts?”
Annoyed mom: “Why don’t you go put your shorts on and sit on the porch and eat your cereal. If you can come back inside without shivering then you can wear shorts.”
(Child immediately puts shorts on.)
Comes back inside after eating cereal on the porch.
Mom: “Go brush your teeth please.”
Child #2: “Mom, where’s the toothpaste.”
Mom: “Look in the drawer.” (While changing baby’s diaper).
Child #2: “Mom, it’s not there.”
Mom: “Okay, look on the floor under the pile of clothes.”
Child #2: “Okay.”
Five minutes later.
Child #2: “I hate these pants” (goes from zero to hysterical).
Mom: “What is wrong with those pants?”
Child #2: “I can’t sit criss-cross in them?”
Mom: “Those were your favorite pants last week? Did you brush your teeth?”
Child #2: “Ugh. No.”
Mom: “Okay, go brush your teeth and then get your backpack.”
Two minutes later.
Child #2: “Mom where’s my backpack?”
Mom: “Did you put it in the closet?”
Child #2: “No.”
Child #3 wakes up
Mom: “Did you put it in your bedroom?”
Child #3: “Where’s daddy?”
Child #2: “No.”
Mom: “He’s in the shower.” (While changing baby’s diaper).
Child #2: “Oh I know. It’s in the car.” Giggles.
Child #1 tries to turn TV on.
Mom: “Turn that off.”
Child #3: “I want juuiiiccce!”
Mom: “Okay bubba, hold on and I’ll get it.”
Child #3: “No, daddy will.”
Mom: “Daddy’s in the shower. Hang on.”
Pours milk. Husband walks through in towel hurriedly.
Mom: “Okay, we need to leave in ten minutes.” Where are your pants?
Child #1: “You said I could wear shorts if I wasn’t shivering when I came inside (after eating cereal on the porch).
Mom: (slaps her [own] face in awe.) “Put your sweatpants on now.”
Dad enters the scene.
Baby’s still crying.
Child #2: “What’s for lunch?”
Mom: (Praying.) “Please let it be something not disgusting.”
Dad: “Pizza.”
Child #1 & #2: “UGH. I HATE THEIR PIZZA.”
Mom: gets sandwich stuff out. “Where’s your lunch box?”
Child #1: “I don’t know. In the car?”
Mom: Finds another lunch box. Praying there is a freezer pack in the fridge so she doesn’t have to put a frozen bag of breastmilk or blueberries in the lunchbox again as an icepack.
Child #2: “Can I have a lunchable.”
Dad: “Sorry. We don’t have any today.”
Child #2: “Aw man.”
Mom: “Okay, go brush your hair please.”
Child #1: “Where’s the brush.”
Mom: “Where did you put it?”
Child #1: “I don’t know.”
Two minutes later.
Mom finishes lunch. “Okay, here you go. Go put your coat on, grab your backpack, and go stand by the door. Did you finish your breakfast?”
Child #2: “I ate one bite of my cereal.”
Dad: “Okay are we ready?”
Child #1: “Wait. I forgot it’s Dr. Seuss week and I have to dress up like a yottle in the bottle.” (Okay it is actually Veteran’s Day today, but this did happen ).
Mom gives up and pops open a Mike’s Hard Lemonade for breakfast. (Not really, but you get the idea.)
Good morning first 45 minutes of the day.
(I know, I know. “Brooke, your going to miss this one day.” Right! But today is not one day. Today is today so no need to remind me because I know…one day I will…but not today!)