A show of hands for all of you who enjoy circuses! Not the normal day-to-day circus of being a mom, or a student, or a wife juggling laundry and homework and life, but actual circuses. The kind with elephants and trapeze artists…..clowns, and tightrope walkers? Not me! It’s all of those alarmingly well-balanced people who make me want to run out of the building…or tent I suppose it would be. Don’t do it!
I don’t care if they can balance a book on their head and walk in a straight line, pretty sure they should not walk on a rope suspended in the air with nothing underneath them to break the fall that could shatter at least 94% of the bones in their bodies!! Air and a bit of faith in their own ability is all that is between them and the ground! What happened to safety nets?
Unlike my feelings toward circuses, I like safety nets. I would gladly watch a circus if they could just get these little ladies/men a darn net to catch them on their way down.
For years I’ve said, “I trust God,” but looking back at my life, I say that while being my own safety net. God, I trust you can provide, but I will be my financial safety net just in case you don’t. I know you are powerful, but I think I’ll just take this situation into my own hands because I don’t know if You’ll show up. I know you are able, but well…I have my doubts that you’ll actually be there for me. Thinking of pulling the safety net and plunging into vulnerability illuminates my lack of trust.
The prayer I prayed before my whole life started going incredibly down a completely different path…Awaken the dreams I have and give them direction. Guide me with wisdom that I may glorify you in whatever career you place me in.
Brooke, if you pray these next words, He just might do it. The voice of logic (or God making sure I wanted to ask what I was about to ask) said to me as I sat there trying to talk myself out of writing the next words.
Shake things up that I might be exactly in the midst of what you want me doing and where you want me to be.
God, shake my life.
Two weeks later I sat in a hotel room in Orlando contemplating big decisions. Do I continue living my comfortable, normal, financially well-off life, or do I say goodbye to normal and watch what God does when the safety net is gone?
I’m quitting my job. The rumors are true! This will be my last semester in the place where I (professionally) grew up. The place I came after leaving the mission field. The place I love soo much! Strange. I never ever envisioned wanting to be a stay at home mom, but here I am.
I live in a small town so (if you live her too) here’s me debunking some of the rumors why I’m leaving. Daycare is too expensive. False! Brooke’s having ANOTHER baby? It’s not true! She wants to be a photographer? Well I do love this side-gig…but it’s not why I’m leaving! Her hot husband got a one million dollar raise? Negative ghost rider! This girl is currently not pregnant and I’ll be the first to tell you I cried like a baby when I had to tell “Miss Alisha” at daycare that I was going to stay home…because she is simply part of our family!
I am leaving because I want to wake up on a random Tuesday put sweatpants on and take my kids for a walk. I want to sit by the pool every single day in the summers with those little people. I want to watch God do huge things with this huge change! Obviously, staying at home terrifies me because toddlers are messy, sassy, wildcards…but we’re going to try this out!
My plan is to help out at a campus ministry about 15ish hours a week, teach my adjunct leadership courses, do a little photography on the side and hang out with those little people!!
Let me leave you with the words of one of my best friends in the whole world. ” If your idea seems crazy to others, but makes sense to you, DO IT! There will always be critics and skeptics, but I assure you they don’t go to sleep at night thinking about your choices. They are thinking of their own. So brave through the questioning, ignore the shocked faces, and start taking steps toward the dream in your heart. You may not end up where you thought, or it might look differently than you imagined, but it will be worth it.” – Emily Williams
(P.S. Emily and Joanna Gaines could be best friends with their decorating skills…if you need help in this area (like me), holler and I’ll send her over to beautify your home!)