Desire of My Heart

“I forgot the toilet paper.” I said yesterday before putting all of my kids’ coats back on to load them back in the car to retrieve the toilet paper I left sitting on the self-checkout counter.

This morning I brushed Hads’ hair without her whining once.

This afternoon as I was standing in the check-out line to pay for my groceries I realized I’d forgotten to grab bread. I left the line and walked back across the store to grab it.

We made homemade play dough and I let the girls do it all! I wasn’t arguing with them to do it myself in order to avoid the mess. Here make a mess…have the fun…I’ll clean it later!

We went to the library and sat and played! And read books!

Right now my house is cluttered with toys that have been played with rather than cluttered with traces of my own frazzled morning messiness that normally piled up as I was rushing around each morning trying to get everyone to school/daycare/work.

I remember the times I showed up in a foreign country and it took me a few days…weeks…months to get used to things. The smells, the buses, the grocery stores, the people. The culture. Everything was new. That’s how I feel right now.

If you know me, you know patience is not my strong suit. I’ve always been one to go and go and go and go in a quick manner.

Yesterday I drove back across town to retrieve my toilet paper rather than just saying, eh…there’s $5 in the trash and I’ll buy it the next time I go. Today I left the check-out line to get bread because I knew at some point tomorrow Hads would want toast so why not spend an extra two minutes going back for bread. I brushed Hads’ hair and realized she wasn’t whining because I had all the time I needed to do it without pulling half of it out…not the norm when Kyle and I were trying to get three kids and ourselves ready to leave the house by 7:55AM.

I realize all of you stay at home moms are probably thinking “oh just wait.” I realize not every day will be glorious flowers prancing around sparkly fields…but don’t kill my excitement! 🙂 I am soaking every moment up. All the smiles and hugs I got from my little dude. All the sass and smirks I got from Everly. All the moments that Hads confirmed she is a fantastic big sister.

This is a life God dangled in front of me years ago and I said no due to various reasons. I tried to convince myself I wasn’t cut out for it. That we couldn’t afford it. That I’d get bored. I had plenty of excuses, but I didn’t realize what I was missing out on. I’m so glad I am married to a man that is 100% supportive of all my wild ideas. I gave my resignation from a very good full-time job with a hope and some faith that we’d have enough. In the past couple of months God has turned that hope into the reality of His provision.


The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. (Hebrews 11:1, MSG)

I am currently sitting on my couch in stretchy pants, a sports bra, my hair in a messy bun with a bandana on, holding a baby (ahem…toddler) who’s watching Shrek and writing! This was once a dream of mine. Here’s to God giving His child one of the desires of her heart!!

Bye friends! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© Be Fuller Photography