Lately, regrets have ravaged me. Stupid decisions I made years ago. Hurts I’ve held onto. Labels that have either been placed on me or that I place on myself. As these moments snowball in my mind; as they get bigger and more painful, I feel quite silenced. Brooke, your testimony has been tainted by your sin, shame, guilt. You have no leg to stand on. Who will take you seriously?
For years, this regret and shame kept me either still or silent from accomplishing what I feel God laid on my heart. How fitting that the enemy would throw fiery darts my way with the intent to cripple me. How fitting that the enemy would scheme enough to know what might keep me silent. The moment I recognized this, the forefront was no longer just shame and regret, but instead a battle. A battle I am equipped for; a battle I am qualified to fight – through prayer, through God’s word, through faith, and through the power of Jesus!
A few months before my son’s second birthday, he had his own battle with a ladder. After a trip to the E.R., momma nearly passing out at the site of a bit too much blood, and a quick glue job; we were sent home knowing this battle would leave a scar. Although it was prominent in the beginning, it has since faded.
Words spoken in anger that can’t be rescinded. Poor relationship decisions that left a lasting impact. Abandonment that makes you question your worth. Trauma that the enemy uses to twist into lies. Labels that become your identity. Staying still when God said to move. Inability to forgive past sin even though it’s as far as the east is from the west. Fiery darts meant to cripple; silence; destroy.
Scars.
Scars tell a story of survival; not of defeat. Scars are evidence of healing.
Maybe the ugliness of the scars leads to hiding. Maybe the scars are a constant reminder of everything you’d like to forget. Maybe the scars bring shame; regret. Scars can be a painful reminder of the wound or they can be a beautiful reminder of healing; and with time and more healing, they may fade.
How do you view them?
What is it that’s attempting to define you? What’s keeping you from surrendering to Him? What’s keeping you from chasing after God wholeheartedly? What’s holding you back from sharing the gospel? What’s keeping you still? Silent?
You are not defined by your scars.
You are not a captive to the dark.
Though you feel wounded by the world.
His wounds heal.
If these scars could keep me silent.
If this pain could steal my joy.
If the past consumed the calling.
What am I here for?
He broke the chains that bind me.
I have power in His name.
Despite my sin, my shame, my guilt.
He’ll receive the fame.
When the raging battle swarms you, remember to battle with truth, righteousness, the gospel of peace, faith, salvation, the Word of God, and prayer.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
Ephesians 6:10-20